Follow Your Heart

Somewhere in the last year it seems I've grown up. Being a grown up is great in lots of ways- having a real job, a car, being more mature, getting smarter, etc. I realized that this grown up stuff has been clouding my vision, and for goodness sakes nearly forgot how to be a kid.

I don't think being an adult is bad, and I don't think everyone needs to retain their childlikeness, some people are meant to grow up. If that's what they want, then that's okay I think. I, however, am not meant to. Not all the way anyway.

There is something indescribably beautiful about feeling a sudden, random impulse to do or say something that isn't expected or logical. Something that afterwards you really can't explain why you did it, other than it's what your heart wanted. Usually the impulse builds and builds until your heart is racing, head is pounding and you KNOW you're going to do it eventually, whether or not it's sensible at all. And, after you get up the courage, it's completely liberating. It's the joy that can only come from following your heart, even though you know it's going to complicate things and people might think you're crazy, it's okay, because you are crazy, and complications can be the best adventures.

A lot of what I know about following my heart I learned from this girl-

Stargirl would tell you that falling for somebody isn't straightforward or predictable. You don't fall in love with someone because they take you on dates or because they're eligible. It has nothing to do with their major or where they're from. You definitely don't fall in love just because they liked you first and it's convenient. I don't know where it comes from, but somehow our hearts learn how to talk to each other, sometimes even before we've really learned to talk to each other ourselves.

I don't think love is instantaneous in most cases, and in all cases it has the capacity to grow and develop according to how you nurture it. There is on the other hand, some sort of enchantment spark that can happen at any time. It might be a love at first sight type of thing. It might be after you've known someone for months or years, but one day you realize you're going crazy over them for no explainable reason. And you wonder if they'll figure it out.

It doesn't always work out. They don't always fall for you the way they should. But when you find real true love, it's worth all of the chances you've ever taken and more. Huey Lewis explains this better than I ever will.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, listen to those instincts , even if it's scary. And this isn't just about romance or relationships. Make your life choices consistent with who you are and what you want it to be. Take crazy leaps just because you're feeling it. Call someone up that you've been dying to talk to. Go somewhere you've never been. If it feels right, take the chance. If it doesn't, then for goodness sakes be brave enough to say no. That's the hard part for me, telling people no because it might hurt them. In the end it all works out somehow though.

As Jacquimo would say "You're sure to do impossible things if you follow your heart."

-Thumbelina

Let me show you the shape of my heart

If you know me, you're probably aware that I have a particular proclivity for.. valentine's day. This year was no different, and seeing that part of the lure of valentine's day is all of the pretty pink and red heart shaped things, there are going to be a fair amount of photos on here.

We start with the V-day attire-
And here is my outfit for school-which my students found surprising. As one of them said, "woah, you are not a regular teacher today. You're like a.. Valentime lady!"

And of course we have the Valentines. In case you were wondering, being an elementary teacher eliminates any need to have a boyfriend on Valentine's day. I was completely spoiled with chocolate and balloons. Kids are so adorable, and so ready to love and forgive. I wish I could be more like them. Here's a conversation I had on Valentine's day:

Student: "Miss James, I love you. I really do. And you know, I worry about you, when I'm not with you."

Me: "Oh, you don't need to worry about me. What do you think would happen?"

Student: "Well I'm just afraid something bad might happen to you. But if it did- I would stop it. I'd never let anything happen to you."

Does it get any sweeter than that?

The bottom right corner displays some of the hand-made valentines I received. The top right is a picture of some of the paper I made for my valentines using shaving cream, food coloring, and stamps.

And we move to the baking portion of the post. Sometimes I get an urge to do some sort of massive festive project, this holiday it was cupcakes.
All in all I made about 11 dozen cupcakes. It was joyous and messy, and an excellent way to spread love to friends and neighbors.

As fun as all of this was, the best part of my Valentine's day simply cannot be instagramed. There's something about January that always gets me a little bit down, maybe it's winter blues, post-Christmas sadness, depression, vitamin D deficiency, whatever- but it's so easy to get into a rut of apathy. Valentine's day has always been that little lift during the cold months that keeps me going until springtime.

It's impossible to spend hours making cards and goodies for people and not feel an increase of love for them. This week has given me such a sweet opportunity to think about the people in my life who make it as wonderful as it is. From my amazing mom, dad, and sister who care about me so much, my awesome roommates, all of my friends both close and far away, the fabulous people in my ward, and the incredible adults and children that I work with at school, I feel totally surrounded by people to love who love me in return. Most of all I've felt an undeniable and magnanimous amount of love from the Savior.

I see his love in the little tender mercies that happen every day. I see his love in all the blessings I receive. Most of all I see his love in the trials and challenges that come, because he cares enough to help me grow. As a teacher, I can testify that it is much easier for me to give my students an easy assignment that they can do by themselves than a difficult one where I have to give them a lot of help and support. Easy assignments don't make us any better than we were though, so there really isn't a point to it. And just as I would never intentionally give my students an assignment that isn't possible for them to be successful at, He won't either. He will always be there to answer our questions and help us through the tough days.

I truly love Him, and I stand all amazed when I think of the sacrifice he made for me. I'm grateful for the opportunities he's given me to serve on his errand, because I've been given a chance to experience a small portion of the charity that he has towards all of us. I hope that we'll all remember to celebrate and share our love for the people in our lives all year long, because that's all that really matters. I'm not sure who all reads this, but chances are you are someone who has been a kind friend, and you've truly been a blessing in my life. Thanks for being there, and for sharing your love with me.

The Common Welsh Green

Well, apparently my last bit of whining did some good, because I got a car this week! It was quite a bit of work to find one, and make sure it wasn't junk, but it was completely worth it.

Here are my favorite things about owning a car so far:

1. Feeling independent

2. Blasting the stereo

3. Being able to drive myself to work

4. Being able to drive to the temple, and not walking when it's cold/dark

5. Being able to drive to the store for whatever I need

6. Being able to drive up to the mountain to go hiking when I don't feel up to running there

7. Being able to drive to Disneyland at any given moment if necessary

8. Being able like I can go ANYWHERE at ANYTIME without ANY HELP!!

I love it more and more all the time.

Here she is!

And I love her! I call her "The Common Welsh Green." It just fit too perfectly. Go read HP if you don't understand the reference.

Life is going wonderfully. This week has really been lovely, and good things are happening everyday :) I don't feel like I even need Disneyland at the moment, I'm pretty happy right here.

Here's some pictures from my hike today-

"All for freedom and for pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever; everybody wants to rule the world."