Goodbye May Seem Forever

The weekend before last I helped my dad finally move the rest of the stuff in our house out. There really isn't anywhere to put the majority of the stuff that was in our house, and so a ton of it went to the dump. Here is one trip, of at least 10 truck-fulls to the dump.

It's hard to describe how it felt, throwing away years and years of stuff and memories. It feels sort of sad and wrong, because once it's thrown away it's gone. So many things that were parts of my life, the toys I played with, things I made, random objects I was used to seeing around the house as I was growing up- they aren't coming back.

At the same time I recognize the necessity and opportunity for change. I know it's time to start fresh and clean, and do away with the past. It isn't easy though.

Warning- this next part isn't fair of me to post. But I can't think of any other way to express what it felt like to drop my cats off at their new home, even if I can visit them sometimes- so sorry. Don't watch it if you don't feel like crying.

I guess the hard part isn't really the stuff. It's more the feeling that I don't really have a "home" to go to anymore. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that life and family aren't ever going back to the way they were. And that's for the best too, but it's all bittersweet. I wonder how long it will be before things feel normal again. With my cats moved away to their new places, it's hard to believe life will ever feel right again. I'm glad my parents are both moving on, everyone is quite obviously happier, and what more can you ask for?

As I was cleaning out my room, my sweet and dear friend Bella came and visited. I knew I had to have on my brave face, but she didn't. She told me straight out that she didn't want me to leave, that she'd miss me, and that I shouldn't be leaving. Bella has been one of my best and loving friends for years. It's good to know that there are some things that never change, and I'm so grateful for this sweet little girl.

Here's some more of my feelings, in a little prettier format-

For now I'm holding onto the hope that someday there will be home again. Someday my lifestyle will hold a little more consistency. Someday there will be less goodbyes and circumstances that force you to let go of things you hold dear. In the mean time I'm grateful for the incredible progress that has happened, especially in the last year. I've learned a lot, and the people who I care about have been watched over and protected. I've seen how His plan for us is better than our plan for ourselves. Thank goodness that there is one home and a Heavenly Father that will never change, and never abandon us.